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  1. #1
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    Walmart Job Application

    Walmart Application - This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to a Walmart store in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny -

    NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)

    SEX: Not lately, but I'm looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate).

    DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice-President. But, seriously, whatever's available. If I were in a position to be picky, would I be applying here in the first place?

    DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz severance package. If that's not possible, make me an offer and we can haggle.

    EDUCATION: Yes

    LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

    PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

    MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

    REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

    HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

    PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 PM - monday, tuesday and thursday

    DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

    MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

    DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONIDTIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 POUNDS?: Of what?

    DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be, "Do you have a car that runs?"

    HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be the winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, or so they tell me.

    DO YOU SMOKE? On the job - no. On my breaks - yes.

    WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy, dumb, sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I am the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

    NEAREST RELATIVE?: 7 miles

    DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?
    Oh, yes. Absolutely.

  2. #2
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    Re: Walmart Job Application

    Gee, coulda been me....
    Neutral and Witty.

  3. #3
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    Re: Walmart Job Application

    happy birthday georgey boy!!!!
    "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace" Jimi Hendrix

  4. #4
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    Re: Walmart Job Application

    Happy Birthday, George!

    May all your weasels be wicked!

  5. #5
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    Re: Walmart Job Application

    cumplea
    If you're going through hell, keep going- Winston Churchill

    Andy

  6. #6
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    Gee, George, didn't even notice...
    Happy bday....care to share, or 29+?
    Neutral and Witty.

  7. #7
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    Re: Walmart Job Application

    Thanks for the birthday wishes, guys. Fred, let's just say that I'm approximately your age - Oh, what the hell, today I am 54.

  8. #8
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    Re: Walmart Job Application

    here you go george..a little birthday wisdom from a JB tune....



    Im growing older, but not up
    My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck
    Let those winds of time blow over my head
    Id rather die while Im livin than live while Im dead



    and this......


    Well the sunrise'll bring on
    the sleep that's escaped us and
    everyone's off to their bed.
    There'll be huggin' and squeezin',
    a little pleasin' and teasin'
    and rubbin' of each others' head.
    So won't you dream on comrades;
    seems nothing affects you,
    nothing, no reason nor rhyme.
    That's cause everyone here is just more than contented
    to be living and dying in three quarter time.


    "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace" Jimi Hendrix

  9. #9
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    Re: Walmart Job Application

    Happy Birthday Geo!
    The Marius 100th Birthday Party -- June 5, 2023

  10. #10
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    Re: Walmart Job Application

    Miker: I little more St Jimmy wisdom (courtesy of Alan Jackson):

    It's Five Oclock Somewhere.

    Think about that next week when you are working. And, to let you in on a secret, it will be five oclock around the clock on AXA.

  11. #11
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    Re: Walmart Job Application



    Think about that next week when you are working. And, to let you in on a secret, it will be five oclock around the clock on AXA.
    I'll be in St Barts next week mon ami.....not working..and the lack of a laptop and cell phone will insure that

    the only thing I'll be working on is building sand castles with Lena and working on the menu for the evening
    "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace" Jimi Hendrix

  12. #12
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    <<<Oh, what the hell, today I am 54>>>

    Mazel Tov! Betcha didn't think you were gonna make it this far, either...LOL
    Neutral and Witty.

  13. #13
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    Neutral and Witty.

  14. #14
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    [quote]
    If you're going through hell, keep going- Winston Churchill

    Andy

  15. #15
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    Re: Walmart Job Application

    MikeR and IV, stop rubbing it in...it's always 5 oclock in Charleston. AND when you guys are trying to readjust back to American work/life, I will be imitating the EverReady Battery (still going in St.Barths)!

    Ric

  16. #16
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    MikeR and IV, stop rubbing it in...it's always 5 oclock in Charleston. AND when you guys are trying to readjust back to American work/life, I will be imitating the EverReady Battery (still going in St.Barths)!

    Ric


    yeah but I'll be starting my 8 week summer Cape gig

    *stickin my tongue out at you*
    "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace" Jimi Hendrix

  17. #17
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    <<<yeah but I'll be starting my 8 week summer Cape gig>>>

    Followed by unemployment, correct?
    Didn't you sell the store and house in CO?
    Hell, you can milk this til New Years.
    Neutral and Witty.

  18. #18
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    <<<yeah but I'll be starting my 8 week summer Cape gig>>>

    Followed by unemployment, correct?
    Didn't you sell the store and house in CO?
    Hell, you can milk this til New Years.
    followed by my inaugural college coaching job and being way more hands on with the eastern shops...and raising a 4 year old...and taking care of an 80 year old....and doing all the projects for the new house that Wendi has so lovingly assigned to me....and seeing how many people I can piss off in here......and God knows what else...

    not to worry Fred ...no grass is ever going to grow under this boys feet....LOL
    "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace" Jimi Hendrix

  19. #19
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    <<<yeah but I'll be starting my 8 week summer Cape gig>>>

    Followed by unemployment, correct?
    Didn't you sell the store and house in CO?
    Hell, you can milk this til New Years.
    followed by my inaugural college coaching job and being way more hands on with the eastern shops...and raising a 4 year old...and taking care of an 80 year old....and doing all the projects for the new house that Wendi has so lovingly assigned to me....and seeing how many people I can piss off in here......and God knows what else...

    not to worry Fred ...no grass is ever going to grow under this boys feet....LOL
    Bitch, bitch, bitch...and quit using God to assist you, UNLESS you've changed.

    Mike, safe trip, good flying and uneventful everything...enjoy your SBH start to a great summer AWAY from the cold!

    Ric

    ~see you thursday week (6/14)

  20. #20
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    thanks Ric...looking forward to seeing you and Lu....you all will be stuck with me in here until Monday afternoon..then ALL the plugs get pulled and the world gets disconnected for 2 weeks
    "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace" Jimi Hendrix

  21. #21
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    Re: Walmart Job Application

    I won't miss you at all.

    Ric

  22. #22
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    thanks Ric...looking forward to seeing you and Lu....you all will be stuck with me in here until Monday afternoon..then ALL the plugs get pulled and the world gets disconnected for 2 weeks
    Sure-- then only I gets beat up.
    If you're going through hell, keep going- Winston Churchill

    Andy

  23. #23
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    Re: Walmart Job Application

    Happy Birthday George - finding a birthday cake for you wasn't that hard. I hope you like it, although it isn'nt WW...


  24. #24
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    That was classic Friday! But remember, your forefathers SOLD IT!

    Ric

  25. #25
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    Re: Walmart Job Application

    Thanks Karibien - I'm having a hybrid SBH/Cuba birthday -

    The SBH part is my Mount Gay and Coke cocktails a Le Select and the Cuba portion is my wife Dyanne made my favorite food of all time, Picadillos over rice with the two fried eggs over the rice - an orgasmic culinary experience for a Cuban. In fact, the 11 million or so Cubans stuck in "the socialist (read Communist) paradise" that is Cuba, would donate their testicles and their first born son or daughter for what I am having for dinner tonight.

    BTW, Karibien, there are a lot of Cubans in Sweden and there is an interesting website which you should look at based in Sweden which I will PM you. Imagine that, sun and heat loving Cubans living happily in the land of the midnight sun and freezing their "arsses" off in the Swedish winter.

  26. #26
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    I hope you had a fantastic birthday, a wonderful meal - and I hope Cubans around the world all have their offspring and all bodyparts intact!

    Forgive me for hijacking the thread, but I was kind of intrigued by the thought of "sun and heat loving Cubans living happily in the land of the midnight sun and freezing their "arsses" off in the Swedish winter" so I decided to find out something about them.

    This is some figures:
    (Just to get you into proportions - Sweden has a population of 9.1 million people, out of those about 1.2 million are born in another country, the largest group are born in Finland, that's 181.000, next yugoslavi/ex-yoguslavi-contries and third Iraq. Living in Sweden, born in the USA, are 15.000 people. Btw, there has never been more immigrants coming to Sweden than in 2006. 95.750 is the highest number since we started recording these things in 1875.)

    Statistics about residents and their place of birth are only available online for the years 2000-2006

    Last year there was 1935 people born in Cuba living in Sweden
    The numbers have been rising from 1489 in the year 2000

    The population is mostly male
    200-2006 it was 40-45 % women

    They are mostly adults, the biggest age groups are 35-39 and 40-44
    Only 62 kids 12 and under
    151 teenagers
    89 in their retirement years 65-94
    (yes, there were last year 3 Cubans 90-94 years old living in Sweden - I guess those chilly winters preserve

    The last four years there has been
    about 50 people leaving Sweden every year for Cuba
    before that even fewer, 18-38

    And 120-163 people leaving Cuba for Sweden
    with the exception of one year when only 97 came to Sweden from Cuba, that was 2001

    The statistics doesn't say wether those immigrants/emigrants also was born i Cuba in the first place

    The statistics for citizenship goes back to 1973
    Up until 1991 there were less than 50 people living in Sweden with Cuban citizenship
    Then there is a rise, accelarating 1994-1995 at about 500 people, peaking at the millenium with 979 people with Cuban or double citizenship. The numbers have then decread to last years 754

    Who are these Cubans coming to Sweden, what do they do, why did they come to Sweden, and what kept them staying?

    They aren't working at Wal-Mart, that's for sure
    (no WM in Sweden)

    /K

  27. #27
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    Re: Walmart Job Application



    They aren't working at Wal-Mart, that's for sure
    (no WM in Sweden)

    /K
    Yet . . . . :-)
    The Marius 100th Birthday Party -- June 5, 2023

  28. #28
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    The population is mostly male
    ...
    Who are these Cubans coming to Sweden, what do they do, why did they come to Sweden, and what kept them staying?
    Can you spell blonde women ;-)

  29. #29
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    They aren't working at Wal-Mart, that's for sure
    (no WM in Sweden)

    /K
    Yet . . . . :-)
    There are people hoping for it, in a swedish macworldforum I found a thread on the topic Things you wish you had, and this one guy longed for Wal-Marts, KFC, Dunkin Donuts, Taco Bell, Wendy's, Star Bucks, Krispie Kream, Macaronies & Cheese, Nestl

  30. #30
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    The population is mostly male
    ...
    Who are these Cubans coming to Sweden, what do they do, why did they come to Sweden, and what kept them staying?
    Can you spell blonde women ;-)
    LOL

    Good to know we seem to be worth freezing asses off for...

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