It's Friday!

Dennis

Senior Insider
A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.

One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits.

"I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing.

He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.
At 60 off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.

Now seeing her naked for the first time and travelling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree.

His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck.

"Go to the road and get help," he said. "I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her.

So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver.

Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.

"My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"

The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"
 
You need Viagra when they say that you are:

180 degrees shy of heaven

Performing with Flacido Domingo

A few parts shy of an erector set

Sch-wing and a miss

Not rising to the level of impeachable offence

The Null Monte

Disappointing Miss Daisy

Taking the gold at the Lake Flaccid Olympics

Ascension Deficit Disorder

Bouncing the Check of Love

Less-than-Magic Johnson

All Doled up with nowhere to go

Welcome to Flaccid City. Population: You

Serving boneless pork
 
Stick these in your Apple:

ANDY'S SEX LAWS
1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.

2. Nothing improves with age.

3. No matter how many times you
 
An impressive list. I have never pondered it to such a degree but instead I just follow the dictum, as it were, that if it feels good, do it.
 
I just follow the dictum, at it were, that if it feels good, do it.


You must get an erection from typing;-))
 
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
 
I just follow the dictum, at it were, that if it feels good, do it.


You must get an erection from typing;-))

Knowing the smiles that I bring to your faces (see above) does give me a good feeling.

But not THAT good a feeling.

;)
 
About # 44....no, no no NO!

Ash,

Male egos are being swept up, sliver by sliver, and thrown in the trash all over cyberspace. And to think we were just starting to accept you as one of the boys.....
 
Andy, I assume if your wife agrees with me then either it's a compliment to you...or you need a lawyer

Tim....I am most definitely one of the women...and it has been a completely eye-opening experience interacting with men when it's not in person.....please accept me as one of the women....

and # 44 is still out
 
A chef at a local Hot Table really doesn't worry too much about his menu so long as the tables are full every night.

Until The Little Mrs gives me reason to believe that she is unhappy, I shall assume that she isn't.
 
Ash,

I'll be happy to accept you as one of the women. It's great to have your female viewpoint in this mostly old boys' club.
 
QUOTE: "old boys' club"

Speak for yourself- gray beard.

Howdy to my young friend Andy,

After bicycling, windsurfing, and tennis yesterday, I'm feeling my age this morning. I was only saved from my standard long Saturday morning bike ride by a deluge that's left the island's roads with lots of mud and ponds. Even I am not hard core enought to intentionally go out in that mess.
 
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