Bob joins an exclusive nudist colony. He removes his clothes and takes a walk to explore. He runs accross a beautiful, petite young blonde and gets

tuesday joke(s)

Bob joins an exclusive nudist colony. He removes his clothes and takes a walk to explore. He runs accross a beautiful, petite young blonde and gets an erection. The young lady asks "You called me, sir?" Puzzled, he says "no".
she replies - "oh, you must be new here. when you pass someone and you get an erection it means that you are calling the person that caused the erection".
So she takes him by the hand to a pool, lays on a towel and brings him to her and lets him have his way with her.

Afterwards, Bob goes to the sauna and he farts. A big, hairy brute of a man with an erection comes out of the steam and asks him "Sir, you called?". Bob replies "no". this huge brute of a man says "OH, you must be new here. when you fart it means that you are calling me". He then proceeds to bend Bob over the bench and have his way with him.

Afterwards, Bob goes running to the office and tells the nekkid receptionist - "Here's my card and my key, and you can keep the $500 I paid you to join, I am quitting this place".

The receptionist replies, "But why sir? You've only been here a couple of hours!!"

Bob replies - "Listen lady, I am 60 years old and I get 2 erections a month...
but I fart 15 times a day".

Re: tuesday joke(s)

Memo to Bob:

Don't burp.

Re: tuesday joke(s)

second tuesday joke

A man walks into a pharmacy with his 10 year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display and the boy asks "What are these, Dad?" The man replies "They are condoms, son, and men use them to have safe sex".

"Oh, I see" replied the boy pensively."Yes, Ive heard of that in health class at school".

As the boy looks over the display he picks up a 3-pack of condoms and asks Dad "Why are there three in this package?" Dad replies - "They are for high school students - one for friday, one for saturday and one for sunday".

The boy sees a six pack of condoms and asks "So, who are these for?"
Dad replies "those are for college men, two for friday, two for saturday and two for sunday".

"Wow", exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, Dad replied "Those are for married men, one for january, one for february, one for march...."

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Hey george- hope you have enough to last until Friday.
No decoder here- Sky King died a long time ago.

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A pig with three medals around its neck and a peg leg is seated at the dinner table with a farmer, his family and a guest. Intrigued, the guest asks about the animal.

"He's special", the farmer says. "The first medal is for when he swam to save our youngest son from drowning. The second medal is for when he dragged our daughter out of a burning barn. The third is for pushing my wife out of the way of the combine".

"Wow", the guest says. "That explains the medals but what about the peg leg?"

"Well", the farmer replies. "A special pig like that - you just don't eat him all at once".

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There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire.

"Hey kid!" the farmer says. "Where ya goin' with that wire?"

"Well," the kid drawls, "this here ain't just any ol' wire, this here's chicken wire -- I'm fixin' to catch me some chickens!"

"You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"

"Sure I can!" the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and sure enough, he's got a whole mess of chickens caught in his chicken wire.

Well, the farmer's sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kid comes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape.

"Hey kid!" the farmer yells. "Where ya goin' with that tape?" "Well, this here ain't just any ol' tape, this here's duck tape -- I'm fixin' to catch me some ducks!"

"You can't catch ducks with duck tape!" the farmer yells back. "Sure I can!" the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and again, the farmer can't believe his eyes. The kid had a whole bunch of ducks all wrapped up tightly in his tape.

The next day the farmer's sitting on his porch again, and the kid comes walking down the road carrying a stick.

"Hey kid!" the farmer says. "Where ya goin' with that stick?"

"Well, this here ain't just any old stick, this here's pussy willow."

"Hang on," the farmer says, "I'll get my hat."

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a bear, a lion and a chicken are discussing who is the scariest animal. the bear roars, and says "when I roar the trees shake from fear". The lion says, "When I roar, every animal in the jungle shakes with fear" The chicken says "that's nothing - all I have to do is sneeze and every human in town craps in their pants".

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The day care teacher holds up a picture and asks, "What's this?"
"A horsy," one child answers.
"And this?" the teacher asks
"A piggy," replies another youngster.
"And now this one?" asks the teacher, holding up a picture of a male deer with a beautiful rack of antlers. There was no answer, only total silence.
"Come now, children," she coaxes, "I'll give you a little hint. What does your mommy call your Daddy when he hugs and kisses her a lot?"
"I know! I know!!" exclaims one little girl. "It's a horny bastard!"