Friday Frivolities
- Thread starter andynap
- Start date
andynap
Senior Insider
George Bush is sitting in the oval office one morning, reviewing the Iraq situation with his generals. The door opens, an aide walks in...."Bad news, I'm afraid Mr. President...we have just had word that 3 Brazilian soldiers have been killed in Iraq"
President Bush drops to his knees and puts his face in his hands...and starts sobbing with grief....absolutely inconsolable...the President seems to have taken the news incredibly badly......All the assembled generals can hear from the president is a mumbled "oh my god ...oh my god...."
Eventually, Bush looks up to Dick Cheney through teary eyes from where he is kneeling and asks....."Exactly how many is a brazillion, Dick?"
President Bush drops to his knees and puts his face in his hands...and starts sobbing with grief....absolutely inconsolable...the President seems to have taken the news incredibly badly......All the assembled generals can hear from the president is a mumbled "oh my god ...oh my god...."
Eventually, Bush looks up to Dick Cheney through teary eyes from where he is kneeling and asks....."Exactly how many is a brazillion, Dick?"
onebigdawg53
Senior Insider
hickory, dickory dock
the mouse went up the clock
he got a shock and fell like rock
it was an electric clock
onebigdawg53
Senior Insider
Actually it was a priest, an accountant and a lawyer. and it went something like this.
It seems that this old gentleman named John had passed away. As executors to his will he had appointed his very best friends - a priest, an accountant and a lawyer. The will was read and it directed them to a safe deposit box at the local bank where they would find an envelope with one million us dollars in cash. The will stipulated that John should be buried with the envelope with the million dollars in his jacket pocket.
The will went on to explain, in John's own words, why he wanted to be buried with one million dollars cash.
" Look, gents, I am not 100% certain if there is an afterlife but, if there is I want to arrive fully prepared. And, since I can't be sure if I've lived a good enough life to go to heaven, and with the distinct possibility that I will have to spend eternity either in purgatory or in hell, I figure I better bring a pile of cash in case I need to grease some palms to make my life in purgatory or hell more pleasant. Of course, should the good lord determine that I should go to heaven I will give the million dollars to St. Peter before I enter the pearly gates and he can do with it as he deems necessary"
The will went on to say that each of the executors should have a private moment with John before the casket was closed for the final time.
They each have their private moment, the casket is closed, John is buried.
The three meet at a bar after the burial and, after a few moments, the priest speaks. "Friends, I have a terrible confession to make. During my private moments with our dear friend John, I removed the envelope with the cash and I removed one hundred thousand dollars. Look, church attendance is down, we have a lot of poor people in our parish that we need to clothe and feed. I think John would understand"
The other two nodded in agreement.
Then, the accountant speaks up - "Friends, I also have a confession to make.
During my private moments with John I also took one hundred thousand dollars in cash from the envelope. Business has been lousy with many of my clients now using turbo tax etc., the kids' college tuition came due and I didn't have the money, my wife is ready to divorce me because I can't provide the lifestyle to which she has become accustomed. I trust John will understand."
The other two nodded in agreement.
Well, the priest and the accountant wait and wait and no confession is forthcoming from the lawyer. Finally, the priest blurts out "You mean to tell me that you, a lawyer, did NOT take any cash from John's envelope?"
The lawyer replies - "Of course I did but I paid every penny back. Just so you know, before they closed the casket I put in my personal check for the three hundred thousand dollars".
