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Thread: Walmart Application - This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to a Walmart store in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny - NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy

  1. #1

    SBH Insider
    Since: Jun 2004
    Beautiful hunterdon county new jersey
    Posts: 3,287

    Walmart Job Application

    Walmart Application - This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to a Walmart store in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny -

    NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)

    SEX: Not lately, but I'm looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate).

    DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice-President. But, seriously, whatever's available. If I were in a position to be picky, would I be applying here in the first place?

    DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz severance package. If that's not possible, make me an offer and we can haggle.

    EDUCATION: Yes

    LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

    PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

    MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

    REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

    HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

    PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 PM - monday, tuesday and thursday

    DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

    MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

    DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONIDTIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 POUNDS?: Of what?

    DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be, "Do you have a car that runs?"

    HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be the winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, or so they tell me.

    DO YOU SMOKE? On the job - no. On my breaks - yes.

    WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy, dumb, sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I am the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

    NEAREST RELATIVE?: 7 miles

    DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?
    Oh, yes. Absolutely.

  2. #2

    Re: Walmart Job Application

    Gee, coulda been me....
    It's gonna be good to be me for a few months...LOL

  3. #3
    Mike R's Avatar
    Senior Insider
    Since: May 2003
    Stinson Lake - New Hampshire & Provincetown - Cape Cod
    Posts: 48,734

    Re: Walmart Job Application

    happy birthday georgey boy!!!!
    "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace" Jimi Hendrix

  4. #4

    Re: Walmart Job Application

    Happy Birthday, George!

    May all your weasels be wicked!

  5. #5

    Re: Walmart Job Application

    cumplea


    Andy

  6. #6

    Re: Walmart Job Application

    Gee, George, didn't even notice...
    Happy bday....care to share, or 29+?
    It's gonna be good to be me for a few months...LOL

  7. #7

    SBH Insider
    Since: Jun 2004
    Beautiful hunterdon county new jersey
    Posts: 3,287

    Re: Walmart Job Application

    Thanks for the birthday wishes, guys. Fred, let's just say that I'm approximately your age - Oh, what the hell, today I am 54.

  8. #8
    Mike R's Avatar
    Senior Insider
    Since: May 2003
    Stinson Lake - New Hampshire & Provincetown - Cape Cod
    Posts: 48,734

    Re: Walmart Job Application

    here you go george..a little birthday wisdom from a JB tune....



    Im growing older, but not up
    My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck
    Let those winds of time blow over my head
    Id rather die while Im livin than live while Im dead



    and this......


    Well the sunrise'll bring on
    the sleep that's escaped us and
    everyone's off to their bed.
    There'll be huggin' and squeezin',
    a little pleasin' and teasin'
    and rubbin' of each others' head.
    So won't you dream on comrades;
    seems nothing affects you,
    nothing, no reason nor rhyme.
    That's cause everyone here is just more than contented
    to be living and dying in three quarter time.


    "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace" Jimi Hendrix

  9. #9

    Re: Walmart Job Application

    Happy Birthday Geo!
    The Marius 100th Birthday Party -- June 5, 2023

  10. #10

    Re: Walmart Job Application

    Miker: I little more St Jimmy wisdom (courtesy of Alan Jackson):

    It's Five Oclock Somewhere.

    Think about that next week when you are working. And, to let you in on a secret, it will be five oclock around the clock on AXA.

  11. #11
    Mike R's Avatar
    Senior Insider
    Since: May 2003
    Stinson Lake - New Hampshire & Provincetown - Cape Cod
    Posts: 48,734

    Re: Walmart Job Application



    Think about that next week when you are working. And, to let you in on a secret, it will be five oclock around the clock on AXA.
    I'll be in St Barts next week mon ami.....not working..and the lack of a laptop and cell phone will insure that

    the only thing I'll be working on is building sand castles with Lena and working on the menu for the evening
    "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace" Jimi Hendrix

  12. #12

    Re: Walmart Job Application

    <<<Oh, what the hell, today I am 54>>>

    Mazel Tov! Betcha didn't think you were gonna make it this far, either...LOL
    It's gonna be good to be me for a few months...LOL

  13. #13

    Re: Walmart Job Application

    It's gonna be good to be me for a few months...LOL

  14. #14

    Re: Walmart Job Application

    [quote]


    Andy

  15. #15

    Re: Walmart Job Application

    MikeR and IV, stop rubbing it in...it's always 5 oclock in Charleston. AND when you guys are trying to readjust back to American work/life, I will be imitating the EverReady Battery (still going in St.Barths)!

    Ric

  16. #16
    Mike R's Avatar
    Senior Insider
    Since: May 2003
    Stinson Lake - New Hampshire & Provincetown - Cape Cod
    Posts: 48,734

    Re: Walmart Job Application

    MikeR and IV, stop rubbing it in...it's always 5 oclock in Charleston. AND when you guys are trying to readjust back to American work/life, I will be imitating the EverReady Battery (still going in St.Barths)!

    Ric


    yeah but I'll be starting my 8 week summer Cape gig

    *stickin my tongue out at you*
    "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace" Jimi Hendrix

  17. #17

    Re: Walmart Job Application

    <<<yeah but I'll be starting my 8 week summer Cape gig>>>

    Followed by unemployment, correct?
    Didn't you sell the store and house in CO?
    Hell, you can milk this til New Years.
    It's gonna be good to be me for a few months...LOL

  18. #18
    Mike R's Avatar
    Senior Insider
    Since: May 2003
    Stinson Lake - New Hampshire & Provincetown - Cape Cod
    Posts: 48,734

    Re: Walmart Job Application

    <<<yeah but I'll be starting my 8 week summer Cape gig>>>

    Followed by unemployment, correct?
    Didn't you sell the store and house in CO?
    Hell, you can milk this til New Years.
    followed by my inaugural college coaching job and being way more hands on with the eastern shops...and raising a 4 year old...and taking care of an 80 year old....and doing all the projects for the new house that Wendi has so lovingly assigned to me....and seeing how many people I can piss off in here......and God knows what else...

    not to worry Fred ...no grass is ever going to grow under this boys feet....LOL
    "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace" Jimi Hendrix

  19. #19

    Re: Walmart Job Application

    <<<yeah but I'll be starting my 8 week summer Cape gig>>>

    Followed by unemployment, correct?
    Didn't you sell the store and house in CO?
    Hell, you can milk this til New Years.
    followed by my inaugural college coaching job and being way more hands on with the eastern shops...and raising a 4 year old...and taking care of an 80 year old....and doing all the projects for the new house that Wendi has so lovingly assigned to me....and seeing how many people I can piss off in here......and God knows what else...

    not to worry Fred ...no grass is ever going to grow under this boys feet....LOL
    Bitch, bitch, bitch...and quit using God to assist you, UNLESS you've changed.

    Mike, safe trip, good flying and uneventful everything...enjoy your SBH start to a great summer AWAY from the cold!

    Ric

    ~see you thursday week (6/14)

  20. #20
    Mike R's Avatar
    Senior Insider
    Since: May 2003
    Stinson Lake - New Hampshire & Provincetown - Cape Cod
    Posts: 48,734

    Re: Walmart Job Application

    thanks Ric...looking forward to seeing you and Lu....you all will be stuck with me in here until Monday afternoon..then ALL the plugs get pulled and the world gets disconnected for 2 weeks
    "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace" Jimi Hendrix